Thursday, March 4, 2010

Letting go of the Promised Land

Today I woke up finding my heart in a world of pain.  My DH and I had finished our evening with not the greatest of conversations.  I had made such an awful decision to ask such a question as so right before bed.  Here he was, sure of what was going to happen after the lights went out; and then BOOM!!! the storm sets in and we went to bed upset.

I decided to start out the question with my most infamous line... "I don't want you to get mad at me, but I just want...".  A question that is asked probably every day more times than any husband cares to hear.  He listened very annoyed by quietly to my request with my soft and sweet voice and when I was through he made my tears run (not that it's very hard to do or anything).  He shot me down.

I catch myself more times than I would like too, in a wanting phase, if you would?  I think they call this discontentment?  A place I fall far too often.  I am so aware of this sinful action that I feel, but yet it is so hard to break.  It's like I go through phases.  I will do such a good job at really trying to be content for a period of time and then it's like I feel that the world owes it all to me or something for being so content for a whole couple of weeks.  One of those... I've been good so now can I have blank

Fortunately God does not work this way.  Although sometimes I just want him to grant my wish like some genie in a bottle, but then again what kind of life would I have then?  God rewards those who wait and call on him.  HIS timing is PERFECT!  But sometimes waiting can feel like eternity.  And I begin to wonder if He will ever meet me where I am.  Will I ever get to experience that desire?  It's the unknown.

Thankfully I have come to know my God.  I understand that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. (Romans 8:28)  I trust that someday my discontentment will be overcome by the contentment that only the Lord can provide for me.  I know that there will be a day where I will no longer ask for the I wants, but I will be thankful for the I haves.  I will understand that it is useless for me to get upset about everything that I can't have or afford, because God will provide the necessities.
I want to change the way I live.  I want am going to be a testimony of my new life verse...

~Philippians 4:11-13
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.


Until then, this Israelite needs to let go of the idea of the Promised Land, and take His presence in my life for
what it's worth.

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